Christopher Carbuccia

September 24, 2019 

 ENG 101- FY05

   I Believe Essay

There are so many things that I don’t believe now that I believed when I was younger. This is because I didn’t know the things back then that I know now, I was a gullible little kid but I grew up pretty quick and started to realize things. I could be basic and say when I was younger I believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth fairy but now I don’t, but that would be boring and I am sure you’ve heard those same stories before. So the belief I will be talking about was how I believe that I was destined to become a marine biologist. 

For those of you who don’t know, a marine biologist is a scientist who studies the ocean, they go inside the oceans, they deal with aquatic animals, and etc. I loved animals ever since I was young but my mom always claimed she was allergic to dogs so I never really was able to get one. So because of this false statement that my mom made I begged and begged for a pet. My mom gave in and she got me a fish, my weird self fell in love. You’re probably wondering how I knew that the false preaching my mom had made up that she was “allergic to dogs” was actually a lie. When I was younger a dog somehow wandered into my backyard, it was during a hurricane so I begged my mom to let me take care of it because I knew it wouldn’t be able to fiend for itself outside. She budged in and said yes. While the dog was inside our house she did not sneeze, did not cough, no allergic reaction whatsoever, and at that moment I knew I had caught her in her own lie. 

 Although I had caught her she just came up with the excuse that she just plain and simply didn’t want dogs in her house.  A year later my grandparents got me turtles and I fell even more in love. Little by little, each year I got more fish, bigger tanks, and I started studying different species of aquatic life and I was obsessed. 

I was 12 and was set on my career of being a marine biologist. Most of my friends wanted to be a policeman, or firefighters, or lawyers, or ninjas, but I…. I wanted to be a marine biologist. It was odd but my parents didn’t really care as long as I didn’t have a dog in the house.  A few years passed by, more fish tanks, my turtles got bigger, and then a light bulb switched in my head. That lightbulb switch ended up changing my life, I had come to the realization of something that was so big… I realized that I didn’t know how to swim. 

 Let me tell you this, I don’t want to make this a sob story and have you feel bad for me, but boy did I bawled my eyes out once I realized this. I made my cousins teach me how to swim, spent countless summers trying to learn, but my stubborn mind wouldn’t let me learn. This is when I realized my dreams are crushed. I know what you’re thinking, “Why did he give up?” trust me, I still question that to this day. I thought to myself.. a marine biologist has everything to do with water and going into oceans. How was I going to enjoy my job not knowing how to swim?  It would be so dumb to become a marine biologist without even knowing how to swim, I said this to myself repeatedly every time I would think about still pursuing my dream of being a marine biologist.  

 Now the hard part came into being, what would my future career be…? Days, and days, and the days went by and I still didn’t know what I wanted to be. For a young kid who had his years ahead of him to figure out what he wanted to be, I was pretty stressed. I thought about and then I figured out what I wanted to be. I wanted to be a detective, I wanted to be a successful FBI agent and make a difference in the world. 

 You see, many things in my life led to this decision of me wanting to be in the FBI, and pursue a career of being in an organization of crime. I didn’t want to be a cop who gave tickets to people for parking in the wrong zone, a cop who gave out ticket just to meet his quota, I wanted to be a cop who would make a difference in his community and actually focus on the things that mattered. 

 One thing that made this decision was my cousin’s death. When I was about 8 years old I was sleeping over my cousin’s house, and the next day I woke up being picked up by my aunts and uncles to take me to the hospital. I was unclear of what had happened and when I asked they just ignored me and tried to change the topic. I had finally arrived at the hospital and I saw all my other cousins, and then my parents crying, my aunts and uncles crying, and just basically my whole family crying. 

 I was young, confused, childish, and unaware during this particular moment. I had made a joke to my cousins saying, “ What happened, did someone die?”. To find out a few seconds later that my joke had become reality, my cousin who was about 19 had gotten shot by a local gang. I immediately started tearing up just because I couldn’t believe it had happened, my cousin…Ivan Carbuccia was shot multiple times. He was killed for no reason, he was just walking with his sister and his friends and these guys came looking for trouble. He died trying to defend his family.  

 This day was the first day I had ever seen my father cry, and I will never forget it. To this day, the killers have still not been found. The fact that this was 10 plus years ago and the killers have not been found, is what makes me want to be a detective. My family still mourns the death of my young cousin until this day, and the fact that we have no idea who the killers are and knowing that they are free men hurts the most. I want to be a detective that can help families get through their losses a little easier, a detective who can try and get the people who ruin communities off the streets. I want to make a stand and a change. 

 So throughout someone’s life, their beliefs can change. It can be a big belief, it could be a small belief. It could have a huge impact on someone’s life while on others, it may be a small impact. No matter what, beliefs can shape how someone lives throughout the rest of their lives. The question is, do your beliefs shape your identity and who you are today?